Saying no to Parker’s Girl Scout Cookies

I promise to make it up with a more sensible money move this summer.

Photo by Christina Branco on Unsplash

Parker pushed me to the Adventurefuls, but I prefer Tagalongs.

I’m a sucker for peanut butter. I always have been.

But when it comes to Girl Scout Cookies, we all have our favorite flavor. After the Tagalongs and the equally peanut-butter rich Do-si-dos, the rest don’t do much for my taste buds. I’d rank the Adventurefuls and Trefoils as tied for a distant third.

My plan this year, given I’ve cut back on spending, was to support Parker’s troop by purchasing one box. Tagalongs, of course. But when I went to the website to make my order, I couldn’t go through with it. It didn’t feel right.

To get my cookies shipped, I needed to order a minimum of four boxes. Just like that, five bucks shot up to $20. At first, it was no big deal. I used it as an opportunity to diversify. I added a second box of Tagalongs, jumped on a box of Do-si-dos and, for Parker, threw in a box of Adventurefuls. My mouth began watering in anticipation. The site claims cookies arrive in as few as two business days.

But then I hit another hurdle — those pesky shipping and handling fees.

It cost another $12.99 to have them shipped, which suddenly put me at $32.99 for four boxes of cookies I never wanted and don’t need.

A would-be order of four boxes of Adventurefuls. Was the tax hit waiting at checkout?

I delivered the news to Parker on Monday night, during our regular 8 o’clock FaceTime call. I told her Daddy wouldn’t be buying Girl Scout Cookies. To my surprise, I seemed more disappointed than Parker.

Parker immediately assumed my decision was due to her ongoing fast. For Lent, she gave up dessert, a big deal for her. Initially, she thought I’d have no one to share the cookies with, so why get them? I told her that wasn’t it. Before I could respond with the reason, Parker figured I declined for dietary purposes. She wasn’t entirely wrong. I’m always preaching to Parker about eating healthily. Hoarding boxes of Girl Scout Cookies in the house doesn’t help us achieve that goal. But I told Parker that wasn’t quite it either.

“Well, does Grandma Berta want to buy some?” Parker asked, apparently done with me.

The answer, of course, is yes. But that would defeat the purpose too.

My biggest reason for turning down Girl Scout Cookies from Parker this year is because I see a better money move. I shared it with Parker on Monday night, and I think we found common ground.

We previously had discussions about a lemonade stand this summer. I promised to add homemade cookies to the menu. That way, instead of our money going out on Girl Scout Cookies, we’ll adopt an ownership mindset and bring in a few bucks with our own pop-up. We will retain 100 percent of the profits, all of which will go to Parker, with my only requirement being she must invest a portion.

A Daddy-daughter batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies from March 21, 2021. The recipe is even better two years later!

I’ve supported Parker financially in Girl Scouts through membership fees, uniform costs, activities ranging from cooking camps to sleepovers to Build-A-Bear field trips, and gas shuttling her back and forth. I think I can pass on cookies.

It’s not just Parker. There’s also societal pressure to support friends, family and colleagues. One co-worker has an annual tradition of bringing boxes of his daughter’s Girl Scout Cookies to the job. The old me, the man who wouldn’t hesitate to pull out his wallet, would buy a box without thinking. An even older version of me would grab a box coming out of Walmart too.

Reshaping my mindset with money and revamping my approach, however, must include everyday decisions, even those involving the desires of my daughter and something seemingly as harmless as Girl Scout Cookies. It all adds up.

The value of Girl Scout Cookies, for our family, at this time, doesn’t exceed their compounding cost.

No, Parker doesn’t care about that at this age and probably just wants to sell as many boxes of cookies as possible. To that end, if you just can’t resist and are in position to support Parker, please do so using the link above. Hurry, supplies are limited and selling fast. Thin Mint fans, you’re still in luck.

I’ll report back this summer on our lemonade stand that will now feature my delectable, homemade chocolate chip cookies. Fresh out of the oven, I’d put them up against even Tagalongs.

We’ll see if the neighborhood agrees. As long as our gross profit tops $32.99, I call it a win.